What do you do when s#!% hits the fan?

What do you do when s#!% hits the fan?

Are you conditioned to act like nothing’s wrong?

To show forced (false) strength?

We are taught not to have emotions from a very young age.

When kids yell, adults just tell them to knock it off.

When kids cry, grown-ups demand that they stop.

And so on.

(No judgment here, parents—I do it too, sometimes. I don’t think any parent really *wants* to deal with crying/screaming over seemingly trivial crap.)

I spent a lot of my life being stoic.

Trying to avoid feeling my feelings by surrounding myself with people and over-committing myself.

Not leaving an opening to think or feel.

Painting on a smile and pretending everything’s cool.

Do you avoid negative feelings, too?

This might look like…

Drowning out your thoughts with wine, TV, or both (been there, not healthy)

Telling yourself to “just get over it” when something’s wrong (been there, doesn’t work)

Thinking that if you act like nothing's wrong, nothing will be wrong (been there, people can definitely tell)

It took me a long time to understand how to deal with shit hitting the fan in a healthy-ish way.

(I know, now I’m swearing. I figured I should, at minimum, censor the opening line. 😂)

Are you sad? Be sad.

Are you pissed? Be pissed.

Are you feeling like an imposter? Wondering if your business or job is going to swallow you whole? Concerned you’re not making the right choices? Up in the middle of the night worrying about something tiny? (Me too, me too, me too, me too.)

I want to invite you to FEEL IT ALL.

Listen, I’m clearly not a therapist. That said, I've spent a lot of time examining my actions, why I am the way I am, and whether I want to continue being the way I am.

I believe that high achievers often mask emotions because they see it as a sign of weakness, and we shouldn’t do that.

Feel your feelings...

Just don’t wallow in them.

A few years ago, my head of sales, Mikey, told me that he and his wife have an emotional one-hour rule.

According to this rule, they get to be pissed, whine, and wallow in their feelings for exactly one hour before they get to work solving the problem. They even set a timer and hold each other accountable.

So, next time someone is mean on social media or IRL, you lose a big customer or a big deal, or whatever other shit is hitting the fan in your life, try it.

Set a timer for 60 minutes. Turn up your music. Scream. Cry. Curse.

When your hour’s up, get to work solving those problems. Don’t look back until you’re in the right headspace. Line up the shit, and fix the issues one by one.

It’s easier said than done. Emotions don’t just say, “alrighty, time’s up!” But… try it. I think you’ll be surprised at how well this works over time.

In closing:
I heard these words last week and I’m STILL thinking about them:

“The pain you feel is the change that you seek.”

I take this to mean: when shit hits the fan, let it.

Let it burn.

Lean into the pain. Let yourself feel it all the way.

Know that you are capable of anything you want to do.

And you can fix it.

You got this.