How do you deal with doubters or haters?

Be honest: do you fear being judged?

I do. I always have. Adding to that fear, I worry that when people doubt me or hate on me enough, those words could eventually become part of my inner narrative.

When I was starting my first company, I was met with a lot of skepticism. It was a little better when I started Accelity, but I think people probably kept their opinions to themselves because they knew I’d do it anyway. 😉 

Then, I started my personal brand on LinkedIn. A lot of people that I thought were my friends made fun of me. At least some of them did it to my face… I guess that’s good?

There’s a catch when it comes to marketing via a personal brand. The more content you post, the more awareness you gain (yay!) and the more you open yourself up to criticism from randoms and even people you know (boo!). I have gotten trolled and called every name in the book by the wonderful people of the internet. 

I’m going to be honest: this shit hurts.

Read on to learn how I handle doubters and haters, and how you can develop the mindset you need to get through it.

Doubters vs. Haters

Although sometimes their messages sound similar, doubters and haters are not the same.

This is my take on the two:

A doubter’s message comes from their own fears.

A doubter may say “you can’t do it” because she believes she never could. A doubter may tell you an idea is dumb because she secretly has her own “dumb idea.” A doubter likely has a fear of the unknown, a low risk tolerance, or is worried about your well-being in some way and doesn’t communicate it well.

A hater’s message comes from their own feelings about themselves.

A hater cannot quietly unfollow something that doesn’t suit him. Instead, he says things like, “Your videos are dumb. I blocked you because I’m sick of them.” In fact, a hater often seeks out content to hate on. A hater is a trash-talker that loves to put people down to try to feel better about himself.

So how do I deal?

There is no magic cure. I didn’t wake up one day and suddenly the words no longer hurt me—but I shifted my perspective and it made all the difference.

My pro tip is simple: sympathize with your doubters and haters.

Every time I receive words of doubt or hate, I immediately try to stand in that person’s shoes.

For the doubter I mentioned above, I might think: “If she is telling me I can’t do it, I wonder how she speaks to herself. She seems to operate from a place of fear instead of abundance. I have been paralyzed by fear before and it’s not a fun place to be. She is projecting her fears onto me.”

For the hater, I might think: “If he spends a lot of time trolling on the internet, I wonder how he speaks to himself. I imagine that having the capacity to write something so hateful must impact his life in many ways. He must be pretty miserable and I feel sorry for him.”

Getting to a place where you don’t react emotionally is a great first step.

And getting to a place where you can sympathize with doubters and haters is the ultimate power move.

Remember: success is a mental game. No matter what people say to you, how you react to it is all that matters.

Oh, and don’t feed the trolls.

Thank you to Angela for submitting this question. Please send me more topics you want to hear about!

To your success,

Jackie